gb: (watching)
For the uninitiated: I live in a medium-sized rural Australian town. I don't have much to do with people around my age, because they work and live in different circles and I'm not interested in sports or drinking, the two main pastimes in this town. (Also I'm a borderline hikkikomori and their conversations keep throwing me into Single Female Nerd Rage but anyeeewaaaay). I'm more exposed to the older people that my mother works with. I'm pretty chillaxed, but honestly, they're starting to wear me down.

The incident when this became evident still makes me too angry to type about it so I'll stick with this morning. I dropped by the local library and was initiated into a conversation, and the lady I had been introduced to led in with 'I heard you're a computer whizz! Now the thing about young people these days is that they're so clever!'

I was expecting her to wrangle computer advice out of me and her statement took me by surprise. I haven't heard any person in her age bracket or above state anything so positive about young people since I moved here.

And then she went on to describe how using computers made everything easier and you don't have to be as accurate any more.

I'm not sure that she intended it as a backhanded compliment. I tried explaining that we know what we're raised with, poorly, with a silly anecdote about being flummoxed when confronted with a manual twin-tub washing machine, but she just didn't seem to get it.

The amount of ranting and raving about young people and modern society and how much easier I have it that than they do, that they subject me to with no irony whatsoever, is astounding. Yeah yeah the 'walked in the snow uphill both ways' thing has been a tradition since ancient Greece, but some of them essentially insult me to my face.

Why do they do it? Do they think I'm a bubblegum-chewing punk? (Never mind the fact I'm closer to 30 than 20...) Do they not realise how rude they sound? Am I the youngest person around and I don't immediately make a getaway so they assume I'm fair game to listen to their grievances?

Then another old person who I had been assured was an intellectual burst into the library, asked where the porn was and told an illegal immigrant joke and SIGH... Maybe I'll illegally immigrate to Victoria, hide out under Stush's cats.

I should friends-lock this I guess, but considering everyone in this town keeps saying they're so crap with computers...
gb: (I got the ketchup!)
I had it rough last week. Part of it was an inability to draw anything except angry red lines; I was this [] close to literally breaking the tablet over my knee and throwing it in the bin.

When I came out of it, to my amazement, I leveled up in my drawing ability!? I think someone on my Tumblr feed posted an article stating artists' work tends to plateau for a while, then a jump in ability suddenly manifests itself... is there meant to be a period of wretched self-loathing preceding it?

Similarly, now I'm apparently less likely to fly off the handle at things that are wrong on the Internet. Two incidents this week previously would've left me nerd raging all over the place (or sulking all day), but I found more practical ways to deal with my fury--I contacted a moderator instead of joining in the snark, and I sent a Tumblr account an upbeat article to counter the horrid and gross nonsense they reblogged.

I also had to fix a terrible computer with a clockspeed running on geological time and I threw a giant capslock Twitter tantrum. In this way, equilibrium was restored.

Terrible pop music gets stuck in my head far too easily. I think it's time I got into the habit of streaming Triple J because NO BODy'S PERFECT No, no, no no no no, no, no no no no, noaughg. Have you noticed the way the vocal track in Eminem's latest single pulses in and out makes it sound like every fourth or fifth word is radio-edited?

On a semi-related note, Ante Up is now one of my favourite songs thanks to this, and this.
gb: (Default)
I have been disgustingly spaced out the last five days. Let me tell you what I had to do tonight, in order to make any progress in the things I need to do before tomorrow--I wrote a list of EVERYTHING (ranging from 'clean the floor like you did that one time' to 'turn the radio on') and I am forcing myself to go through it one item at a time. I am about a quarter of the way through and I'm finding myself checking the list constantly as I'm in the middle of tasks. ಠ_ಠ

I have no idea what is going on. My preferred brand of vitamins came in the mail at last and I'm hoping to hell they will help. XI

At least drawing is going okay?!?!?! sigh
gb: (Default)
It's been six months or so, hasn't it? Time for another RL post.

I've found a course worth studying and I've enrolled via Open University. It starts next week; hopefully, this will go a little more smoothly than the last attempts. The course head was far more helpful than most of the university lecturers in my recent memory, which is a promising start.

I've spent my free time working on the fan project (fan fiction is BLOODY HARD, why do you think so much of it is bad?) and watching my Japanese animes. Tiger & Bunny has claimed another victim and I've been plowing through the tag on Pixiv, though I don't really ship any of it (except this natch).

I've made friends with the dog (a wide-eyed Fox Terrier) and she is sitting on my lap because she is an attention whore like that. She's lovely, but needs a bath. My nose hurts.

It's my birthday in ten days. I don't want anything except ridiculous fanart relevant to my interests. Or money! Money is swell. I'll be twenty-seven years old. I genuinely wonder if most of the people hanging around me on the internet would still do so if they realised I'm so old, but bugger it.

I recall when I got a Livejournal ten years ago that I called it 'seventeen' because I was turning seventeen, and seventeen was my favourite number, and I was feeling lucky! That year turned out to be the prelude to an utterly wretched period of my life that left gross scars on my psyche, but hey, at least I survived to my new favourite number. Here's a sturdy middle-finger salute to the universe.

I'm aware that I've fallen off everybody's radar. I still yell at Twitter occasionally (not much because real-life family acquaintances have found it OTL), but I refuse to sign onto my old MSN account because I had signed up for OK Cupid in a lapse of judgement and used that as my main contact (lol), and FUCK FACEBOOK, FUCK IT IN THE EAR.

I don't feel prepared to come back to society at the moment, I guess. I haven't said much about last year, but suffice to say it was arse, and I was a misery sack by the end of it. The trip to Japan (I still gotta post those photos huh) and the time afterwards has helped a lot! I've also lost 10 kg and am still losing weight, which matters to everyone else for some reason. I'll pop up again eventually, just give me a bit.

I feel like saying more, but I think that's borne out of procrastination rather than anything useful to say. See you back here in another six months???
gb: (Default)
I quit my job a month ago (I kind of miss it, but it was definitely the right move, it was turning me into a person I don't find very appealing) and I am now staying with my mother in a small country town. I'm taking it easy and watching the pets (AKA free entertainment). There is an advert going out in the local newsletter saying 'computer repairs phone me' basically because I will need the moneys (more on that later). I am spending my last few days of guilt-free slacking... catching up on paperwork. Ugh! Well, I finally know how the hell superannuation works, I guess now is the best time to do it.

Almost by accident, I have planned a trip to Japan! I'll do the nerd runs (including Winter Comiket, oh boy) then after New Year I'll be wandering the country making an ass of myself, and I'll stop off in Kuala Lumpur with some other people on the way back. I'm very excited! But yeah, money. (The trip itself I can afford no problem, it's afterwards that scares me...)

Technically I'm looking around for courses to study, but nothing I've seen yet appeals to me at all (or aren't available externally). It doesn't help that while I am full of big words, I'm wondering if I am completely misled and if I should focus my talents elsewhere (what are my talents even?)

In the meantime, I'm tinkering with a Nier fan project that is overly ambitious as is usual for me, but at least it's a huge pile of fun. I have corpses of fanfics scattered all over the place and I want to concentrate on original stuff, so this is likely the last long-form fanwork I'll ever attempt. Thus, I'm trying my damndest to get a plot out of the thing, and... succeeding? What!? Well, the writing is a bit shite, but that's what draft revisions are for, aren't they?

All the Nier-ing was beginning to do my head in, so I played a bit more of the Undead Nightmare DLC for Red Dead Redemption last night as a palate cleanser. I'm one of those 'what zombies AGAIN?' wowsers, but it warms my heart to revisit the characters, and Professor MacDougal gets eaten by zombies in the first fifteen minutes which is worth 800 points alone 8D

I think I have wasted sufficient time. TTFN.
gb: (Default)
As part of a currently super-seekrit project I'm going to be throwing the book of unfulfilled design ideas and ditching the whining and Imma learning me some PROGRAMMING.

I may have gone overboard borrowing textbooks from the library at work. I had to catch a taxi home.

Someone has reassured me that RDR gets awesome again after the mission I'm about to do, thank goodness. But first, I've got work to do. :3

I still need to buy a replacement laptop (and this Acer laptop I'm borrowing is terribly designed, good lord). I'm planning on hunting around the city for a cheap eeePC or equivalent, and spending the time and money to get a beefy PC when I'm more inclined.

I'm not about to jump around screaming I'M CURED of the terrible-ass mood I was in for the last two months, but I feel pretty good atm. *bro-grabs self*
gb: (kabloom)
I have recurring nightmares about a particular teacher who I parted with on very, very, very bad terms. It usually involves me being stuck back at that school and her finding reasons to harrang me and/or be a terrible person in general. (her sitting back, SIGHing and shaking her head as one kid crushed another kid's skull under a giant crate with a forklift is a particular, and very in-character, example that comes to mind)

I had another nightmare like this last night. It involved her telling some kids including myself to go somewhere and do something; we went there at some expense, found we couldn't do it and went back (You know dreams, never skimping on the details, right?). She told the kid who reported this to her that we should have looked in one particular place that wouldn't have been obvious to anyone, and she told them that I, of course, should have known this.


The children went silent. And she told me what it was she was trying to do.

I huffed a furious 'THANK you' and turned to go.

"And when you forget," she said in a strangely deadpan tone, "I'll be right here telling you again."

When I left that building I saw the ocean in the distance, and another recurring nightmare came to mind. "Oh, that's right," I snarled, "Come on, while we're here bring on the fucking tidal wave like you always do."

Sure enough an apocalyptic tsunami formed and rushed towards me. The other dream NPCs ran screaming.

Until it hit me, I stood right there, holding a plastic shopping bag in one hand and and flipping off the wave with the other.

It went right through me like a hologram, leaving nothing but a strange summertime shimmer behind it. By the time it was generating an even bigger wave to see if that would faze me, I got bored and walked away.

Wish I could remember what the hell it was the teacher told me.


gb: (Default)
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