[sticky entry] Sticky: "A four foot prune!"

Dec. 1st, 2014 09:49 am
gb: (gosh i'm pretty)
Hi, this journal was mostly private. I'm reviving it because access lists are the shit! Leave a comment if you want to be added to mine.

Personal ref: Wordcount

71.

Oct. 15th, 2017 06:56 pm
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Some walking bag of assholes graffitied my car with a bright purple paint marker :U

Seriously if it's not one thing it's another!

On bright side it's great inspiration for my art assignment and since the car's stuffed anyway I can write a sarcastic reply next to it with no compunctions

70.

Oct. 11th, 2017 09:13 am
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Second art assignment got a better grade and I found a way to do paid work that doesn't take up all my brain cycles. So, starting to feel better.
Today is for French cos gee whizz!

Have the urge to make a weird livestream. It seems like there would be several streams that aren't straightforward gaming/art/programming but I've no idea how to find them? My habit of wanting to see what everyone else is doing is probably a bad one tho, I should just do it. (After studying French)

69.1.

Oct. 9th, 2017 12:22 am
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It took a long time (and a lot of blankets) but I got through the grief and am in a functional state again.

JFC what a badly-timed depressive episode tho, it's messed up paid work I was already struggling with. Shame you can't get extensions outside of uni. OTL

69.

Oct. 8th, 2017 01:08 pm
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Still wretched. Drew on cardboard with cheap oil pastels and felt a little better. Drawing people with them would be fun but I generally only draw people I'm interested in or admire (cos it's so difficult ww) and considering my last fandom wound up Legit Problematic, I'm feeling nervous about bikes ATM and [REDACTED] has squelched my sense of pride and self-actualisation like a slater bug, who the fuck then? (Ben Quilty? Lmao) (actually I've binged on Art Bites videos for uni and drawing artists would be at least something to do)

I want to go to MONA and see the poop machine I relate to it strongly rn

(Posts will probably be alarming for a while. Sorry.)

68.

Oct. 7th, 2017 11:46 am
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Rally today I promised to go to but that was before I realised I'm self-loathing morally invertebrate garbage. I must've been making alarming noises cos the housemate left chocolate outside my bedroom door last night.

I got the same (pretty mediocre) mark for the art assignment I busted my ass on and the French test I did literally no study for and answered by guesswork. On average this is still much better than most of my attempts at uni but *loud mouth farting noises*

Still having weird dreams. Still have a lot to do. Still can't bring myself to care.

67.

Oct. 6th, 2017 12:38 pm
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I've been dealing with a stupid emotional situation for two days and had vivid, weird dreams. I feel numb. I think part of me died in the night.

66.

Sep. 24th, 2017 10:36 am
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Okay... I successfully resolved the most immediate major stress factors. *mops brow* Many remaining issues, but I feel much less 'gughghg?' about university and that honestly is my priority atm.

Also have a bit of paid work and a retail job interview; not the most scintillating stuff and I'm not wild about more of my hours being taken up... but I'm even less wild about not being able to afford a decent bra, so yanno!

During one of the more annoying days, to make myself feel better I got a hair cut at one of those $10 ticket joints, and asked for it so short the hairdresser was incredulous at first. She did a good job anyway! I keep being complimented on it. :D

Watched the women's world road racing championship last night, which was fun! I haven't yelled much about BIKES so much lately, but I'll be sad when this season is over. I'm secretly hoping Alaphillipe wins today.

Still playing an obnoxious amount of Splatoon in my spare moments. I have gained an appreciation for Tower Control and suction bomb trick shots. (I'm only B rank, mind you)

65.

Sep. 18th, 2017 09:26 am
gb: (Default)
Another entry in the 'JFC Georgia why are you so aggro lately and especially at gamedev did Phil Fish kick your motorbike over or something??' diary:

I got an email from the game studio I put a PS4 theme together for (which was bloody difficult btw) saying the theme is now out in Europe and Australia.

For context: It's been on the North American Sony store (for free instead of paid at first) since that crucial 'game launch' time window at the end of... ... ... April.

My response was literally 'Sony can go fuck themselves'. If this reflects badly on my reputation: GOOD.

To be fair, it's a nice theme (I didn't make the assets, I just stuck them together). If you're more inclined to give Sony any more of your time than I am, you can scope it out here.

64.

Sep. 17th, 2017 10:14 am
gb: (Default)
Brain has gone tits-up again (there's a mental image). In a very unhelpful 'guilty cos I feel too shitty to go to a rally which is making me feel more shitty which is making me feel more guilty' etc loop.

There's so much going wrong in my life I'm not sure where to start explaining it, and I don't feel like it cos it's boring. What I want to do is some laundry and see a friend and go to uni to redo this dang painting. Writing this post is an attempt to convince myself that being miserable on the couch is achieving diddly fuck squat all and I should get up already.

63.

Sep. 16th, 2017 09:25 am
gb: (Default)
If you ever feel sad, look up the album cover for the Kraftwerk album Ralf Und Florian. It is one of my favourite things.

(so much to do this weekend ahhhhhhh!!)

62.1.

Sep. 14th, 2017 12:15 pm
gb: (Default)
On bright side, spring is my favourite season! I can already feel my brain regenerating. I threw my resume at some retail jobs and am spring cleaning.

Uni is making me panic but at least the content is fun!

Haven't found time to do the art I alluded to tho. Well, I had some time, but I just did painting for coursework and it went so badly it was extremely demoralising and I played Splatoon for hours instead. (Ironic, really...)

I know just enough colour theory to know I'm making garbage but not enough to make something good. It's that Ira Glass thing. Putting it off won't help me get better. Sad but true.

Besides that, I've been kicking around some OCs in an no-pressure id-errific GBTropes.org story. I'm glad that part of my brain is still ticking.

I considered resuming the coding project but I DEFINITELY should wait until semester break. Since I waved (my middle finger) goodbye to game dev, I'll probably make it open source and wish people luck!

62.

Sep. 14th, 2017 08:03 am
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I drafted a post I'm not publishing cos it's just me venting about how much I hate video games now, again

but it reminded me I once saw a hot take from a Male Ally on Twitter that went 'shipping Jack/Gabriel is problematic because they kill people' and I need to stare at the camera like I'm in the Office for a few moments

61.1.

Sep. 10th, 2017 12:44 pm
gb: (Default)
Really not sure where the last post came from. I mean, I was indignant at the time and even if the stand-offishness was out of proportion, it's pretty much how I've been feeling.

But why the balls am I so dang angry lately??

More useful question: What is something I can do that doesn't make me so dang angry?

Fixing my dysfunctional thought patterns and deal with the constant bad vibes is like dealing with a fountain of polystyrene bean bag beans. There's no end to them, they get everywhere, and when I think I've dealt with them all, I find more every time I move the furniture.

60.

Sep. 8th, 2017 10:10 am
gb: (Default)
Money issues are still bad and holding me back from making active improvements in my life, but what else is new.

Had a great idea for some abstract art/art therapy in response to Issues I've been having. It's nothing to do (currently) with my art unit unfortunately so as much as I want to rush in on making them, gotta slowly-slowly while I catch up on stuff I'm being graded on (vous ne parlez pas de la français à moi)

I found a car door window on the side of the road (verge pick-up) and I am weirdly excited about this acquisition.

59.

Sep. 3rd, 2017 10:09 am
gb: (Default)
This is the first time I've had feelings about Mandated Parent Days that weren't merely ambivalent but actively angry, and not sure how to deal with this. (Tl;dr the rest of my family encouraged me to reconnect with dad and when I did I discovered new ways in which he is an enormous and dangerous bigot who can't even excuse it on being perpetually drunk any more)

Not ringing Dad seems like a good way to make the eventual confrontation even worse. OTOH I need to spend today catching up at uni and if the conversation went completely tits-up there's my concentration shot for the rest of the day.

Besides THAT horrible little puzzle box, most of the crap in August has been resolved, and thank fuck for that.

57.

Aug. 28th, 2017 12:46 pm
gb: (Default)
Me: I wonder if I am overreacting about my growing disdain for nerd stuff...
Internet: LOLOL MAINSTREAM CARTOON REFERENCING FURRIES AND SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIORS LOLOLOL FUCK SJWs
Me: Be right back, setting my comics and myself on fire

(can USAmericans only buy wholemeal bread in organic stores? Your country is seriously messed up)



Tumblr tag-esque footnote: I'd probably find that cartoon funny if I hadn't just had to install a YouTube comment blocker because I kept seeing uncontrollable whinging about SJWs in politically-charged channels such as, uh, Classics of Game... (also: literal fascists posting literal death threats :U)

56.

Aug. 26th, 2017 05:49 pm
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I'm having a bad time! I thought I was having a merely mediocre time... then I realised I was being snarky at people in Maru video comments and if that's not une flamme rouge I don't know what is.

(if I must be so consistently sad, at least I'll have fun with my angst posts)

55.

Aug. 25th, 2017 11:21 am
gb: (aaaaa)
I have never felt so acutely that my brain is damaged/flawed in my entire life as strongly as I have this week.

Not sad, mind you, there's a distinct difference. If I were still sad, at least that would explain why I had one very clearly defined and achievable goal with a tangible deadline yesterday and then did sweet diddle fuck all for eight hours.

Something is going on. What is going on?

Thing 1) This goes beyond executive function issues, it's more like executive, parliament and judicial dysfunction.

Thing 2) I am radiating some kind of 'hi I'm a complete asshole!!!' field and the fact I am surrounded by people literally half my age is exacerbating it. The social awkwardness isn't as bad as it could be (a handful of people have actually talked to me which is already better than every other uni experience in my damned life) but the times it has gone wrong, it has gone SPECTACULARLY wrong. I have my first group assignment and one member dislikes me to the point of quiet-borderline-threat accusing me of stealing their stuff which is a pretty super start.

These things are a combo for disaster. That isn't even going into the things going on that aren't suited for public posting.

What the hell do I even do in this situation? Drag myself out of bed and to the on-campus counselling I guess... (thing 3 it takes me at least three hours to wake up every day. come on.)

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