gb: (watching)
I wrote the below around last week and read it again today. I feel like making it public.

I'm feeling okay, at the moment, but frustrated with my lack of traction. If anyone has any words, feel free to share.

Subject: I had a nightmare. )
gb: (watching)
For the uninitiated: I live in a medium-sized rural Australian town. I don't have much to do with people around my age, because they work and live in different circles and I'm not interested in sports or drinking, the two main pastimes in this town. (Also I'm a borderline hikkikomori and their conversations keep throwing me into Single Female Nerd Rage but anyeeewaaaay). I'm more exposed to the older people that my mother works with. I'm pretty chillaxed, but honestly, they're starting to wear me down.

The incident when this became evident still makes me too angry to type about it so I'll stick with this morning. I dropped by the local library and was initiated into a conversation, and the lady I had been introduced to led in with 'I heard you're a computer whizz! Now the thing about young people these days is that they're so clever!'

I was expecting her to wrangle computer advice out of me and her statement took me by surprise. I haven't heard any person in her age bracket or above state anything so positive about young people since I moved here.

And then she went on to describe how using computers made everything easier and you don't have to be as accurate any more.

I'm not sure that she intended it as a backhanded compliment. I tried explaining that we know what we're raised with, poorly, with a silly anecdote about being flummoxed when confronted with a manual twin-tub washing machine, but she just didn't seem to get it.

The amount of ranting and raving about young people and modern society and how much easier I have it that than they do, that they subject me to with no irony whatsoever, is astounding. Yeah yeah the 'walked in the snow uphill both ways' thing has been a tradition since ancient Greece, but some of them essentially insult me to my face.

Why do they do it? Do they think I'm a bubblegum-chewing punk? (Never mind the fact I'm closer to 30 than 20...) Do they not realise how rude they sound? Am I the youngest person around and I don't immediately make a getaway so they assume I'm fair game to listen to their grievances?

Then another old person who I had been assured was an intellectual burst into the library, asked where the porn was and told an illegal immigrant joke and SIGH... Maybe I'll illegally immigrate to Victoria, hide out under Stush's cats.

I should friends-lock this I guess, but considering everyone in this town keeps saying they're so crap with computers...
gb: (I got the ketchup!)
I had it rough last week. Part of it was an inability to draw anything except angry red lines; I was this [] close to literally breaking the tablet over my knee and throwing it in the bin.

When I came out of it, to my amazement, I leveled up in my drawing ability!? I think someone on my Tumblr feed posted an article stating artists' work tends to plateau for a while, then a jump in ability suddenly manifests itself... is there meant to be a period of wretched self-loathing preceding it?

Similarly, now I'm apparently less likely to fly off the handle at things that are wrong on the Internet. Two incidents this week previously would've left me nerd raging all over the place (or sulking all day), but I found more practical ways to deal with my fury--I contacted a moderator instead of joining in the snark, and I sent a Tumblr account an upbeat article to counter the horrid and gross nonsense they reblogged.

I also had to fix a terrible computer with a clockspeed running on geological time and I threw a giant capslock Twitter tantrum. In this way, equilibrium was restored.

Terrible pop music gets stuck in my head far too easily. I think it's time I got into the habit of streaming Triple J because NO BODy'S PERFECT No, no, no no no no, no, no no no no, noaughg. Have you noticed the way the vocal track in Eminem's latest single pulses in and out makes it sound like every fourth or fifth word is radio-edited?

On a semi-related note, Ante Up is now one of my favourite songs thanks to this, and this.
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Good morning! I am a bit snoozy, because one of the cats woke me up at 5:30 AM. I let him into my room because it's so dang cold, but this morning he sat at the door of my bedroom (my room's an extension off the main house) and meowed planitively. I must have pulled myself out of bed four times to open the door for him, and he ran around the veranda in a circle and came right back in.

When I gave up on sleep and went into the house proper, I sat down to play video games and he sits there STARING at me, still meowing. I was just about to get up to see if cat biscuits would do the trick, when he pissed all over my leg.

Everything I might have said about becoming a soppy pet lover I TAKE IT BACK arseholes the lot of them.

But speaking of which, if you haven't read Ito Junji's Cat Diary, fix this immediately.

Writing about writing is a terrible way to write, but sometimes it's got to be done. )
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I have been disgustingly spaced out the last five days. Let me tell you what I had to do tonight, in order to make any progress in the things I need to do before tomorrow--I wrote a list of EVERYTHING (ranging from 'clean the floor like you did that one time' to 'turn the radio on') and I am forcing myself to go through it one item at a time. I am about a quarter of the way through and I'm finding myself checking the list constantly as I'm in the middle of tasks. ಠ_ಠ

I have no idea what is going on. My preferred brand of vitamins came in the mail at last and I'm hoping to hell they will help. XI

At least drawing is going okay?!?!?! sigh


Jun. 1st, 2011 08:50 am
gb: (Default)
Taking a break on the 30 days meme; I'm struggling a little with lethargy that's stopped me concentrating on my studies (that I meant to start this week) and chores, and every little distraction gets to me.

I hope this is simply due to a lapse in my diet and/or riding the lunar cycle, and not the return of the awful fatigue I suffered most of last year... :(

(I'm awake before 1PM so it's unlikely to be the latter. Still, I worry.)

EDIT: I only woke up for real half an hour ago, at 12:15 PM. SOB
gb: (Default)
Day 02 - Your least favorite song

Pearl Jam - Last Kiss

Aarrrrgh! This song makes me want to headbutt the wall until it stops. And hell no, I'm not embedding that shit.

Also: Having to listen to Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl because I couldn't exactly leave the chair with metal jammed in my mouth is one of my least pleasant memories of being at the dentist.

The Meme )


Jun. 19th, 2010 08:06 pm
gb: (Default)
I've sorted out the heavy tin of loose change I had into little plastic bags so I can use them for lunch money. I can't help feeling it makes me look like a bit of a nutter. It's a sad indication of... something or rather, I'm sure. (I remember flipping out at an American Express ad saying a major benefit of a credit card is being able to slip it in the back pocket of your sexy designer jeans. What if it broke!???)

I spent a lot of last night drawing. I should have spent more time drawing this evening, but I've been slacking terribly. I should just chill-out, it's not like I'm on a deadline to sort my life out (or rather, I am, but so is everyone else). I'm still pretty negative about drawing, but I think I'm getting closer to the massive problem that's been holding me back from improving for so long with it. Funnily enough it's closely related to all the other massive problems I've had...

I realised last week that for as long as I have lived, my response when a situation reached a certain difficulty level was to yell FUCK THIS SHIT and wander off, and this approach wasn't really going to work for me any more. So that's good (also means I don't have to rage-quit my job, hah!).

But I'm still really lonely. All my attempts to talk to anyone outside a circle of four or so people (half of those are online) always wind up with me feeling like the most awkward thing since the 70s. Random things I try doing to get some sort of conversation going get very little to no response, or backfires horrifically. People don't really talk to me either. I've always felt like there's no one around me. Like I'm a fly buzzing around an empty room.

I honestly have no idea how true this is, I could dismiss it all as extreme negativity but I've met some very self-absorbed people in my life (even taking into account that I'm one of them) or if it's all in my imagination, which probably is what annoys me the most.

Pshaw. *throws up hands*


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