[sticky entry] Sticky: "A four foot prune!"

Dec. 1st, 2014 09:49 am
gb: (gosh i'm pretty)
Hi, this journal was mostly private. I'm reviving it because access lists are the shit! Leave a comment if you want to be added to mine.

Personal ref: Wordcount

24.

Feb. 17th, 2017 05:06 pm
gb: (Default)
Bad brain day today, which is all the more frustrating in light of how successful yesterday was. Lately the brainworms manifest as an all-encompassing cognitive dissonance that goes: 'I am not interested in anything and the things I could summon some interest for are inherently flawed anyway so there's no point being interested in anything'.
Since my good humour, hobbies, work, everyday activities and life goals all require me being interested in one thing or another, I feel pretty naff rn.

I had a bad paralysis nightmare, too, although at least that has an easy fix. It was because I hugged my old pillow in my sleep and jammed it against my windpipe. Whoops!

Despite the blargh, I did a house chore that's been pending for some time, and I'm cooking fried rice for dinner tonight and bolognaise sauce to freeze.

I have a work thing to do, and after that I may draw a little. I haven't had much success with it lately, but thinking about it won't fix that and I had better fix it if I'm going to attempt a fine arts degree this year. The last time I drew something, I was going for 'alien' and wound up 'phallic'. Seriously, it wouldn't look out of place in a Shin Megami Tensei game.

Speaking of which, tmi/lewd? )

23.1.

Feb. 16th, 2017 07:20 pm
gb: (Default)
I have a newfound respect for people who release video games on consoles. SO MUCH DOCUMENTATION... my brain is cramping.

Anyway, bad news: Can't start university until mid-year.
Good news: They'll let me go to university! I am shock!

Shock, but happy. I just have to find ways to occupy myself for the next few months, preferably occupations that will get me some money.
Speaking of occupations that won't make any money (for a while anyway): I have to work through Unity tutorials before I try any more game prototypes. My usual method of 'just read up how to do a thing when I need to' does not work with game programming. At all. And this post is becoming oddly cyclical so I better skip out.

23.

Feb. 15th, 2017 10:27 pm
gb: (Default)
* I am stuck on Yowapeda around the beginning of season 2 but I looked at the latest episode and I'm glad Midosuji still needs a 'body horror' warning tag every time he shows up. Wouldn't be the same otherwise.

* Things are little by little becoming less terrible... I have an appointment to go to so can't slack about here.

* Image hostiiiing

22.

Feb. 13th, 2017 07:29 pm
gb: (Default)
My brain got scrambling trying to remember the title of Deadly Preminition, and gave me Deadly Ronpa instead

There's a free fic idea for ya

21.1.

Feb. 9th, 2017 07:58 pm
gb: (Default)
I started making a prototype for a mobile game today. Though it needs much more work before it's an accurate prototype, I had honestly thought for the last month that my programming ability had not atrophied so much as vaporised. Finding this isn't the case is a big relief.

Still in a horrendously bad place re: gamedev, so will take it slowwwww. I can smell bridges smouldering from when I rage quit last year. No sense in flipping out just as I'm getting used to the idea again....

21.

Feb. 9th, 2017 09:25 am
gb: (Default)
* Things... still... baddish? Situation is still terrible (had an extremely inconvenient development trying to follow up on a medical issue, too) but the ongoing mental shrieking in my brain has lessened.
So, I put in an application for studying art at university. I honestly have no idea if I'll get in. Said university is the most poncey university in my state and my past experience is a bit grim. I'm not even sure if I've proved my English fluency according to their criteria. Let's find out!

* I saw the word 'smexay' for the first time in several years and was struck by how unsexy it is. I still wonder sometimes if I'm actually grey-asexual, or if I'm ordinary-sexual but that's cancelled out by my boiling resistance to being cutesy.

* I know I've secretly wished I shipped something atm so I could kick-start the drawing habit but Gintoki and the Movie Thief parody from the second Gintama movie does not count brain try again

* The Joker is a terrible episode of the Avengers! I didn't think I could still be shocked at the internet having terrible taste but here we are again thanks to a 1960s TV show. I don't care if we saw Emma Peel's bra ffs

In conclusion: I'm still cranky and unpleasant atm but at least it's about fun things like e.g. terrible screenwriting from fifty years ago.

20.

Feb. 6th, 2017 04:03 pm
gb: (Default)
Things still very bad. My aversion to more IT work has reached the point that people starting conversations with me about my computer knowledge, trying to lead into 'so I have this idea for a website...', now give me legit panic attacks. This is a troubling, if bleakly amusing development.

On the bright side, I'm still not on Twitter, which is always cause for celebration. I have to visit that site to get info on occasion; happily, even when I don't manage to find said info (most of the time cos it's a stupid website), I always get a helpful reminder that gamedev Twitter is full of boring trash heaps who think Giant Meteor 2016 jokes count as activism, and I celebrate my continued existence away from them.

... As soon as I get the money I earned from the week spent poking pig corpses and having to listen to Fox News, I will get back on the medication, I promise.

18.

Jan. 29th, 2017 03:09 pm
gb: (Default)
Job didn't work out. But that's okay, it was an educational experience and kicked my ass into properly searching for jobs, which I was lethargic and despondent about beforehand. (And I got paid for it, which is nice ww)

My brain (still in constant AUGH Mode) finds job searching pointless in the extreme, so concentration is nigh-impossible. Only way I've been able to sit down and work is to set a phone timer for 10 minutes and reset it every time it goes off, over and over. Brains sure are weird.

To try and relax, I've watching a lot of Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun and am enjoying it a lot. The characters are fun and include some interesting anime trope/gender role subversion. The first half of episode 4 is especially beautiful.

I'll probably put on the Federer v Nadal match while I do other things tonight, too. I only watched tennis seriously during the 2013 Australian Open, when I was home-bound by illness, but it was the first time I ever took a sport semi-seriously and I still have a soft spot for it (and for Federer's pink-laced Nikes).

17.

Jan. 25th, 2017 04:51 am
gb: (Default)
New job (which I've moved for) is hard as heck but okay so far. I still feel a gnawing sense of anxiety all the time in my stomach, but frankly, my brain and body are arsed up (they treat things I have no control over as 'things I must personally fix right TF now or everything is over' you can imagine what a joyride politics takes me on) so I'd probably feel anxious even sitting on a beach drinking orange and guava juice. At least here I get money!

Most annoying thing is I have time (a lot of time actually) to myself I could use to write etc, but I've been too stuffed after work to take advantage of it. I see work behind my eyelids like Tetris pieces. Hoping I get used to it soon...

16.

Jan. 20th, 2017 12:48 pm
gb: (gosh i'm pretty)
Current mood: Baffled by the existence of Forest Fairy Five. I watched it with almost no expectations and still wound up bitterly disappointed. Why did a show with such a hilariously incoherent premise (the intro reads like a weird Twitter account taking the piss out of anime) wind up being banal five-minute features about Harajuku? Watching it is like watching a really boring episode of In The Night Garden.

I could accept it for what it is (an ephemeral tie-in for an upcoming moe anime, originally screening on a Japanese moe anime variety TV show)... but why the SHIT did Crunchyroll bother to translate and release it???

If you want bad CG anime, I recommend sticking with gdgd fairies. gdgd fairies is good shit.

15.

Jan. 14th, 2017 11:30 am
gb: (Default)
Aaaagghhhhhhh my ex is back what do

(props to Nintendo for removing region locking tho)

14.1

Jan. 13th, 2017 11:52 am
gb: (Default)
I looked through my old public entries, out of curiosity and procrastination. They're very outdated, but only one or two of them make me outright cringe enough to consider locking/deleting them.

If anyone is bothered by them, please keep in mind the gb of ~6 years ago was a much different vegetable to the gb of today.

... I agree with past-me that Mask de Smith is definitely the hottest guy in Killer7

14.

Jan. 13th, 2017 08:45 am
gb: (Default)
AHHH I HAVE TOO MANY EXTREMELY SIGNIFICANT DECISIONS TO MAKE AND HAVE TO SPEND MY MONEY ON TOO MUCH SHIT AND I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ANY WORDS FOR TWO DAYS AND I WENT TO A RPM CLASS BUT MY THIGHS KEPT HITTING THE BRACKET THE BIKE SADDLE SITS ON AND NOW I HAVE GNARLY BRUISES *swoons onto couch*
gb: (Default)
Care's an Enemy to Life Genderswap Scars Curry Night What is this thing you call `love`?
Seer / Mage / Wise (Wo)Man Heights and Depths Office Conflicting Obligations / Oaths One meeellion dollars: Indecent Proposal
Someone gains Purpose Relative values: Families Wild Card Vignette Cuddles and Snuggles
Secondary Colours (Orange, Purple, Green etc.) Ghosts and Hauntings Things that go Bump in the Night Lovers Antarctica
Resonance Fate Epistolary fic: Emails, letters etc. The Shopping Mall May Morning

13.

Jan. 10th, 2017 08:28 am
gb: (Default)
When writing, I like to think of myself as a plotter but wind up being a pantser (I love that word).

In that, I like plotty fiction and attempt to write an outline or at least work out where I'm heading beforehand, and I have at least a decent grasp on the concept of character motivation and rising conflict and etc.

But, generally, I can only come up with a beginning and an end, and what happens in the middle is a complete mystery. When I brainstorm the scenes, or try writing the beginning and hoping the middle will come out as naturally, I'm usually dissatisfied with whatever I come up with and the whole story grinds to a halt.

I have an ongoing word count atm, but most of it is from me having an idea and just rambling about it for about fifteen minutes every night. It's not bad at the moment because I am so rusty I need all the practice I can get, and I quite like some of the ideas I've come up with (jeez some of them are weird though lmao)

The issue is my goal is to write something and then let other people, you know, READ IT! All the weirdest ideas in the world don't mean sauce, if I can't make an entertaining story out of them that doesn't read like I got bored in the middle

If I want to achieve my goal for this year, I have to find a solution to this problem.

12.

Jan. 8th, 2017 10:03 am
gb: (Default)
Been driving back and forth across WA visiting relatives. Very tired, ready for break. Driving to South Australia definitely out of question, even if gym membership & paraphernalia didn't cost more than I thought!

Long post: exercise, job searching )

11.

Jan. 6th, 2017 10:23 pm
gb: (Default)
Writing is gradually improving in word count and cohesion.

Things are improving in general, really. Yesterday, I could almost feel my brain knitting itself back together. It is a pleasant sensation.

So how the heck do I apply this mindset to job applications...

10.1.

Jan. 3rd, 2017 10:22 pm
gb: (watching)
Writing is happening but in a disjointed sense where I can conjure ideas and put words down, but making the words coherent or detailed or enjoyable to read is another story.

I can console myself that at least part of my creative brain is working.

However, I was hit with inspiration for (of all things) a weird and plotty Invisible Inc Xu/Sharp fic (yeah I know)* and I am wondering if anyone (besides one person) will even read it.

Cos writing is like pulling crocodile teeth and if pretty much everybody will look at the pairing, say 'wat' and just leave, maybe I should put my effort somewhere else. It's annoying. I'd much rather take a 'I'll do it because I feel like it' attitude, but I'm forced to consider filtering myself simply because of mere current physical limitations. Yeesh... I should become a robot, too.

* Mature-rated at most. No CLANG CLANG CLANG to speak of. Sorry (??????)

10.

Jan. 3rd, 2017 10:58 am
gb: (8D)
Due to my circumstances I hang around seniors a lot and I don't think people realise just how much people didn't talk about things back then. I've heard matter-of-fact stories of doctors making decisions on behalf of people with life-altering (and occasionally life-ending) circumstances and patients just going with it, schools holding people back and student and parents just going with it, people matter of factly describing things that construe abuse and sexual assault these days that everyone just went along with.

I'm fairly sure a lot of the angst on the internet and elsewhere that has sprung up in the last few years is a direct result of people realising at the same time, 'wait, this situation I'm in might be normal, but it's not actually any good' and additionally, realising a large number of people agree with them, and the resulting conflict with social norms forthwith.

And this is one of the reasons I can't actually hate Tumblr as much as my contemporaries. A lot of Tumblr activism is horribly misguided and a lot of users give me the whoops. Complaining about that makes sense to me, sure. But I don't see that, what I'm starting to see is heavy pushback from the 'smarter' 'older' people, not about the times when Tumblr activism goes rotten pear-shaped, but about people complaining about whitewashing and abusive relationships and etc at all. And they're so self-congratulatory about their cutting responses to these people. It makes me physically sick!

Maybe most other people don't have abuse weaved through their own history and the histories of their families? I dunno.

Anyway, it's also one of the reasons I left Twitter etc and I'm now alone on Dreamwidth, more concerned with resisting the urge to drink iced coffee than how to make friends on the internet. I am JONESING for a Coffee Chill you have no idea.

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